That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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