You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
