So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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