24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
