why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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