dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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