never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
