no, he came in my armpit
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
