I can text with my tongue
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
