Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
