Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
