***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
