these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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