Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
