This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
