So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
pray to the hookup gods
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
