was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
