Do you still have your period?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
