I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
