wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
