What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
