He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
