the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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