Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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