The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bring money and cleavage
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
