my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
