when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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