I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
