tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
