we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
