Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
