I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
