I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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