I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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