Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
