I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
