You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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