I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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