everyone is single if you try hard enough
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
