You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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