i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
