I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
