He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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