my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
