Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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