i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's blow job season.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
