I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
