Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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