he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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