I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
